SCP-3078
Cognitohazardous Shitpost
Item #: SCP-3078
Object Class: Neutralized
Special Containment Procedures: As all known SCP-3078 instances have been neutralized and long-term containment of SCP-3078 is not possible, only preventative measures are currently in place. Foundation webcrawlers are to scan the internet for criteria indicating possible SCP-3078 manifestations. Upon detection, Foundation hackers will attempt to remove all instances as fast as possible. No testing is to be performed at this time.
Description: SCP-3078 designates one or more self-replicating cognitohazardous digital images. When a human being views an instance of SCP-3078, subjects will feel an intense compulsion to laugh for an indefinite amount of time. Subjects will not be able to inhale during this period, and affected subjects have expired due to suffocation in all cases. After expiration, face muscles will still retain a smile, and lungs will still move as if expelling air in short, quick bursts. Once every hour, all SCP-3078 instances will duplicate by undergoing a SCP-3078-Kahnert event, which is described below. Deleting the data of the instance from the web server it is stored on will neutralize the instance and cease its anomalous properties. Digital and physical copies of any form of instances will not display any anomalous effects.
After initial manifestation of SCP-3078, the appearance of all images was reported to change 6 times prior to total neutralization. All iterations of SCP-3078 can be found below.
SCP-3078-Kahnert Events
SCP-3078-Kahnert events will occur once every hour, granted there is at least one SCP-3078 instance in existence. For every SCP-3078 instance in existence, one profile or user account will be created on a random public forum or social media platform capable of hosting images for other users to view.[1] Account usernames are always random combinations of the numbers "69" and "420". Each account will post one instance of SCP-3078 on the website. If tags/hashtags can be applied to the post, the phrases "420", "dont do weed", and "meme" will be used.
Discovery Log
The first documented instance of SCP-3078 was posted to imgur.com on 2/3/2017. Since the spread of SCP-3078 is superficially similar to the spread of non-anomalous viral images, SCP-3078 did not trigger Foundation cognitohazard detection software for 15 hours. Approx. 2 hours after eventual detection, SCP-3078 was classified as Keter and containment efforts began[2]. As Foundation personnel could not reasonably remove all images covertly before the next SCP-3078-Kahnert event, intrusive hacking methods were approved. Shortly after, amnestics were deployed where appropriate and Foundation disinformation campaigns attributed the deaths to gas leaks and suicides. Neutralization of all instances was achieved on 2/4/2017. Casualties from SCP-3078 currently measure 3,576 civilians and 2 Foundation personnel.
Iterations of SCP-3078
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| SCP-3078 on Initial Manifestation |
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| SCP-3078 1 Hour 31 Minutes from Initial Manifestation |
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| SCP-3078 3 Hours 16 Minutes from Initial Manifestation |
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| SCP-3078 6 Hours 23 Minutes from Initial Manifestation |
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| SCP-3078 7 Hours 42 Minutes from Initial Manifestation |
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| SCP-3078 13 Hours 56 Minutes from Initial Manifestation |